The Men's Group at St. Mark's

The Men's Group is a fellowship group men aged 55 years and older, meeting the first and third Saturdays of each month at 8:30 a.m. and the fifth Saturday for pancakes at Walker Bros., Wilmette, at 7:30 a.m. At present, we have 7-10 regular participants. Co leaders are Bruce Gaede and Mike Johnson. The purpose of the group is interpersonal connection through sharing of life experiences, political perspective, and theological commentary.

What Happens

Group members assemble around a coffee table in the Bethlehem chapel room with coffe and donuts for about an hour. The conversation is always informal and generall outwardly focused at first. But as the discussion unfolds, it become clear the member either want to talk about something significant in their lives, reflect and get feed back on current events, or comment on what's happening in the Church or at St. Mark's. Recurrent topics are who am I now that I am a senior/retired; what does my life mean, especially in terms of the future; given I'm somewhat diminished in power and influence, am I still valued? Does God still have plan for me?

Sometimes Bruce and Mike guide the conversation by getting participants to develop their thoughts and other times, they let the conversational process speak for itself. A sort of "that's the way life is" approach. Since most of the men have been members of St. Mark's for a long time, the group has been resistant to outside attempts to give it a job or to conduct self improvement programs. The group enjoys being together.

How to Break In

The group welcomes outsiders, particularly those with fresh ideas and new perspectives. It is long on informality and rather short on interpersonal niceties. It has a definite masculine flavor--no sentimentality, but genuine concern for the other guy. The best way for a newcomer to break into the group is to attend a few sessions, be themselves, but accepting of their rookie status at first. Be a respectful listener but an open sharer and above all, a regular attendee.

Lasting Male Friendship in a Church Setting

The Men's Group is not as closed as it might first appear. But members who have been faithfully attending for years show a reluctance to encounter those they think are grandstanding or those they think won?t last long at St. Marks. They are quick to embrace the witty, the self effacing, but confident male. Group members are seeking friendship, not more acquaintances. So guarded at first, the Men's Group has a 20 year record of being a place where lasting male friendship in a church setting can be found.